it doesn't matter...

of course i'm curious. but it doesn't matter. when i'm living ever after with mr. perfect, it won't matter why you ever talked to me or why you decided to ignore me. you make me crazy right now.
but it doesn't matter.

does it matter? should i care? should i put up with it.... i don't even know how to react anymore. it's turning into anger and bitterness. i don't even wanna go now. i don't want you to be there, i want to go alone. i just feel sick thinking about it. it matters to me, but i'd love to say
it doesn't matter.

when i'm with you, i'm fine. i could care less if you throw my phone into a fire. i don't care if you take my keys away and make me stay forever. i'm content just going along for the ride. we talk about everything that matters. and everything that doesnt.  but when i'm with you...
it doesn't matter.

i miss what we had. i miss assuming plans every weekend. i miss jumping into your arms. i miss crying with you. i miss laughing for hours and exploring the world. i miss all the empty promises and imaginations running wild. but right now...
it doesn't matter.

i want to run away from it all. i want everything to be perfect. i want to not deal with this. i want to just know everything will be fine. i want i want i want.
but it doesn't matter.

where are you? this is when i need you, but i don't know you're here. i don't feel like you're here. i guess this would be a time when i talk and you listen and try your best to understand but really don't understand, because it's not like that for you...
but it doesn't matter.




". . . the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. 'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Everything is meaningless!'"


(Ecclesiastes 12:7-8)