Changing

With my headphones in and music up... I'll let this all out. I've wanted to talk to someone so I can express alot of this, but I suppose this is just as good, if not a better resort.

Thanks for being there last night. :) You make me so happy, and I laugh so much when I'm with you. You put a smile on my face without really even trying. We can talk about anything, whether it's happy or death, or anything in between. You do kind of irritate me in that you're ALWAYS doing something, but that's just who you are so I'll accept it. You're such a cool person. I can trust you, you can trust me, we just understand and get each other. I think you surround yourself with good people, and you're smart about life. I hope if our paths divert again that we still hang out often. I know we'll both get way busier, with school and jobs and family... but I want to make time for you.

You're so quiet! But you remind me of myself like ...so.much. You're cool when you start talking! and I'm glad you're different than what most people would say you are. You're smart and have a good head on your shoulders. I hope within the next like 6 years you don't cave in to all the pressure around you and turn stupid or dramatic. You're beautiful from the inside out, you're respectable. Most girls aren't these days.

Everything around me is changing. You're moving, you've already moved, you change your number without telling me, no one can find you... you're going off to school, you're coming back from school, you're married!

What's wrong? No... I don't trust you or believe half of what you say, but I still enjoy your company and am there whenever you wanna talk and make sure no one finds out... even your family. I wish you would talk to me. I know you're not like purposely avoiding me but um... I'm like your sister you're supposed to keep me updated on stuff like this! Where are you? Who are you with?? Why did you leave :( when are you going back? because i know you will. i wish you'd open that hard heart of yours in person and not through a message.

I lovvveee youuuu!!! With your fat chicks in mustangs and miss big mac! hahahaha :) you make my life so much lighter. I don't like how you react when I bring up other guys. I wish you'd listen and engage more in the conversation besides just moving on to the next topic. It matters to me so I want you to care about it too. I want you to grow up, and I want to still be there alll along the way. I know you're always there for me and that's more than I can say for almost anyone. I know you would talk to me at work, after work, at 6 am... or if i came and woke you up you'd be there to listen to me.

I don't even know what to say anymore. Thanks for not bringing it to me. But I still know, because everyone knows everything. I'm so. sorry. Like, there's nothing I can do. I don't understand. But I want to help. You're my hero and I just don't know what to do when I see you humiliated like that. I love you, and I don't want to lose you.

I'm done with you basically.

I know your life is going to get so much harder soon, and I'm sorry. I wish I could help but at the same time, I'm part of why it's so hard. I still love you.

Where are you going? If you leave that place, then ... I'll like never see you again. That makes me sad. You're like my brother and even when you drive me crazy, I mean we get over it... I'm gunna miss seeing you every few days.

Call me selfish, but when I spend time with YOU, i expect you to spend time with me also. I don't want to share your attention with your phone. It doesn't matter what you're doing on your phone... it matters that you're not giving me your full attention. It matters that you can't put it down to listen to me and then pick it up when I'm done with my sentence. You don't really understand why I left. You say you would have waited forever for me, which I don't doubt. But if I was in your position, I would have told you what was wrong before making you wait. You make me wait for an hour without explaining to me what's wrong. I asked you like 2 or 3 times and you don't even give a small hint as to what it is. When you left, you didn't say where you were going or what you were doing. You just left me there to look stupid by myself and wait even longer than I already did before you got there. If you didn't have time for me then just tell me not to even come. It's rude to just leave someone sitting there. When I called you, I actually had something to say. If you're not going to let me talk, then why the hell even answer the phone??? I wasn't mad and I'm trying to be understanding. If you would have just said "this is an important call, i'll be back" then I wouldn't have left. i like how you had time to talk to whoever else on the phone but you couldn't even give me 10 seconds on the phone. by "constantly on your phone" I mean that it gets in the way of you listening to me sometimes. I feel like I should text you when I'm in the same room with you and maybe i'd have more of your attention that way. Me leaving wouldn't have been about me if i would have known even one tiny bit of what was going on. Communication is all I want...

I think you're insensitive and would deny anything i confront you with. so i don't. i just let you stay wrong. is that wrong of me? i don't really feel like it is. i'm kind of not looking forward to 20 hours in the car with you.

GROW UP ugh.

i think you're a little unreasonable and strange but i like you.

i really like you still. i just want you to talk to me. i think it's kind of shallow to just quit talking without giving me a reason or anything, but whatever it's over and it won't happen again. i'm gunna miss you. i think you're really a cool guy but you won't let me get to know you any better and that makes me sad and a little irritated.

you're cool. i think you're handling this the wrong way, but i like you still.

do you like this? do you think it's cool to just not tell people important stuff like that? i think you need to respect people more. i think you're selfish. come to think of it, what DO you know about me? we only ever talk about you. there's no way i'd come to you with a problem. i don't like how you deal with your own problems, so why should i bring mine to you? i think you can be a really nice person, but i don't like the way you relate to all this. i think you're obsessed and it's disgusting. space is good. breathe.

i miss you. i'm not sure why exactly haha but i  do love you still and want to hang out with you and talk to you.

chill the freak out!!!! geez... go retire.

where are you? come find me! actually.. i guess i'd rather you just wait til the best time and that's most likely not now. i want to just know when i meet you that you're it. :) :) :)

i think you're right. facebook sucks peoples' lives away. it's stupid.

must you be so dramatic? i miss you, but not THAT.

i'm glad you don't take my ignoring your texts personally and still act normal in person :) hahahaha... this is so retarded

thanks for making me who i am.... i'm appreciating you more and more each day. i don't really know how i'll live without you, but i can't wait til that day comes.