what?

I'm so not sure about this. I change my mind like every two hours. Except for about ... 4 hours last night. I was pretty sure about everything then. I think I'm making a big deal out of this when it's really not one. I have a bad habit of doing things like that. I want to learn to like you. I don't want to just jump right in cause then I'll just jump right out when I'm done. I want to learn about you and then let my feelings for you grow from that. Change always scares me. Maybe that's my problem. I'm just scared. I'm scared that I'm falling faster than I should further than I should ... and I'm not sure about the direction I'm falling. It's been one after the other. The first didn't hurt. The second I love to death. And if you were to be number three, I hope you're even better than number two. Another reason I'm so skeptical is because it's all on the phone. I haven't seen it in person yet so I back up like what is this?! when i see you. I'm so impatient too. I don't like waiting for what's going to happen next. I want to just take things as they come. Sometimes I don't feel like this is right, but at the same time I can't figure out why it should be wrong. I've done it before. twice. and it didn't really do any damage that I can see yet. I just need to chill out about this I think.

What I want right now is to be next to you and you to see that there's a million things on my mind and want to know what they are. To listen. That's one of my questions... what about when I'm not all happy and flirty? What about when I'm pissed off and bitchy? Are you going to still be so crazy about me? You can tell when I'm mad and last time you saw me mad you just gave me a hug and made me laugh. That was exactly what I needed. Are you gunna be what I need? Or are you just gunna be another weight on my shoulders? Will I be able to just shake you off? Or will you be the kind to help me shake everything off... I know your heart is big and you have a really sweet side. I just hope that side is bigger than the annoying side hahaha. 

I dream about just laying under the sky and thinking, reflecting. Talking, learning about each other. I want you to trust me and not be afraid to admit anything to me. I want to slow down around you, not just have another duty, another appointment to arrive at. I have this awesome picture in my mind but I really wonder if that's how it will turn out.

 I wanna know about your past. What scares you? What makes you excited? What really pisses you off? When do you get quiet? What makes you stop and think? What touches your heart? What do you hate and what do you love? Why do you love? What do you think love is? All these questions I'm sure will scare ya away. But I don't want them to. I want you to be real with me... do you think I'm different? 

I'll feel better when we can spend some time together and actually talk.