promise

you've made me cry before. you'll probably make me cry again. i guess it's not really you "making" me cry, but just me crying about you, with you not even knowing. you're the best example in my life of how people change. i hope the person you really turn out to be is amazing. she seems to think you're amazing right now. you're a jerk though just in general. you do have a sweet side but right now you're focused on yourself and no one wants to hang out with someone that's always thinking about themselves. i don't understand why 2 months later you ask me about something that you should have asked me about 2 months ago... which you told me to forget about 2 months ago. idk... i love you i just miss who you used to be.

overwhelmed...
protected
cared for
confusedddddddddx

it's hard to tell you what i'm thinking when i already know what your reaction will be. i wonder if one day you'll care more deeply. maybe you'll care to see beyond what you see right now. and maybe you can appreciate people for more than the surface. i love you so much and it doesn't make sense. there's things i don't like about you, but it all makes up you and just the whole you in a broad general sense is what i love. spending time with you always makes me forget about whatever and relax. i'm sorry i hope i dont mess anything up... i don't think i have but it'll be hard to keep it this way i guess. i just want the screwdriver that fits the deeper side of you...

God I need to be submitted to you and make every choice based on submission to your will. By submitting to and trusting you I can resist all the temptations ... when i thought i was getting better at it, it gets harder and i'm at the point again where i can choose to go closer to you or closer to him which in essence is farther from you and resisting you. i feel better when i go to you. you promise that if I draw near to you that you will draw near to me. he promises nothing but a good time and not that i should compare anything with you but i guess i'm just trying to rationalize it in my mind ... convince myself of how absolutely RIDICULOUS it is for me to love anything in place of you, more than you, above you... and then i do it over and over and why? i need help clinging to you and really....being stuck on you enough to not let anything else take me away.

I have fallen on my knees as a I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody, as I sing to help the tears go away.
Then, I remember the pledge you made to me.
I know you're always there to hear my every prayer.
Inside I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime.
I hear the words you say to never walk away from me 
and leave behind the promise of a lifetime.


Will you help me fall apart? pick me up? take me in your arms?
I find my way back from the storm, and you show me how to grow through the change.
I still remember the pledge you made to me. 
I know you're always there to hear my every prayer 
inside I'm clining to the promise of a lifetime.


I hear the words you say, to never walk away from me and leave behind the promise of a lifetime.


I am holding on to the hope I have inside.
With you I will stay through every day, putting my understanding aside.
I am confident to know you're always there to hear my every prayer.
Inside I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime.


Looking back at me, I know that you can see my heart is open to the promise of a lifetime. (Kutless)


Right now it's easier to be faithful because my life is somewhat stable. Soon school will start. I'll have papers to write, people to hang out with, books to read, tests to study for, emails to check, and... everything else. You are ultimately more important but I have a really hard time clinging to the promise of a LIFETIME instead of the promise of an A or the promise of graduating early or the promise of getting 30 minutes more sleep.

Draw me close to you. 
Never let me go.
I lay it all down again, 
to hear you say that I'm your friend. 
Help me find a way to bring me back to you.


You're all I want.
You're all I've ever needed.
You're all I want.
Help me know you are near.


You are my desire.
No one else will do.
No one else can take the place
To fill the warmth of your embrace.
Help me find a way to bring me back to you.


You're all I want. You're all I've ever needed. You're all I want. Help me know you are near. Draw me close to you, never let me go. I lay it all down again. To hear you say that I'm your friend. Help me find a way to bring me back to you.

I need to know you're near. That you promise to never leave me. I mean... I do KNOW but I need it to really apply to my life. It needs to be real to me. Don't let me replace you.

Sometimes I want to go back. I see the cars of the people I spent so much time with and I miss them. I miss their faces, their smart comments, their compliments, their annoyingness.... I want to go back. Then I hear 1 thing and think "wow I'm glad I don't have to deal with that at work." I really don't want to go back. I just miss it because I spent 2 years of my life there... and, that's just it. It was my life. And now it's not. I'm sure there's a fine line between missing something in a healthy way and letting it keep you from moving on. I am moving on. I have a new job with new people to work with, new environment. It feels good. I'm beginning to like change. I like the doors of opportunity.

I prayed and told you I didn't know were to go. I told you that I was lost and needed to trust you for guidance and asked for peace when I was at the right place. Did I mean it? Maybe for a minute. But you answered. I have chosen where to go, and I am at peace. Sure, I got nervous... but you tell me to give all my anxieties to you, so I prayed and brought them to you. You told me that you're in control of everything, and sure enough you are... always... everything. And my worrying is pointless. Thank you. I need to keep trusting you for where to go next, how to act, what to say, who to spend time with ... everything.

When I try to remember answers to prayer, I think of small things. But none the less they are answers. And maybe... I don't ask for enough to really receive enough answers. I pray when I'm overwhelmed about the 18 page test... and when I get an A I thank you for helping me because there's no WAY i could have done that! And it happens over and over. I pray when I need peace and you always comfort me. I have prayed about relationships and you've worked them out. Maybe these are small things but they are my life. My goal is to bring more to you, bigger things, everything in my life. To trust you more fully. To actually have faith, and do things knowing it's okay to just "not know."  Because you do know and you are in control. Keep me humble and sensitive to what's right and wrong.

I've been so careless. Sure I know I shouldn't do something, but I don't really care. It's fun, so I'm gunna do it. But... it's not fun when later I'm thinking about it and later I have to apologize for not doing the right thing and later when I get the same temptation again and it's even easier to give in because I have time and time again. Lord... I want you to be my all, my Lord. Ruler of everything in my heart and in my life. Over what I listen to, watch, say, do . . . I'm trusting you to help me trust you more.