expectations.

We each have such high expectations. If people understood each others' expectations more clearly, I think they would understand personalities and motives better as well. So my word of the day has been: expectations.

My expectations of you... were to hurt me. Even from the beginning, I knew you would. Because there's no way you couldn't. We are so different in our morals, values, and what's important to us. What's important to me, doesn't mean a thing to you. So, being hurt was to be expected. Before I knew you like a do now, I loved you. And when I love someone, I expect to be hurt by them. Loving someone includes being hurt sometimes. We only hurt those closest to us the deepest. You haven't hurt me personally... I never really gave you any control of my emotions whatsoever, because I knew I'd get hurt. But now, you've hurt other people whom I also love. Your thought processes are a little deformed, and we're all trying to figure out what got to your head?? I need to talk to you in person face to face and slap you, tell you I love you, and make you talk this out so you hear how ridiculous you're being. I told you I wanted to show you I love you... let me in.


My expectations of you... were to be smart. To be a follower, but to choose wisely who you want to follow. Now, in one night, in a matter of 4 hours, my complete view of you has changed. I need your side. I have 2 sides so far... and yours is next I'm sure. You're sweet, but are you really? You're beautiful, but what's behind all that make up, that fake tan, those cute clothes, and the multicolored hair? I have always suspected you're so broken inside, and I'm not thinking that idea is wrong, but I wonder why you respond this way to your brokenness. You need someone to talk to... ok... but don't lead a guy on just because he's there for you and will listen to you. Don't just give him your body in exchange for his ear every now and then. You're walking into the exact same thing you're walking away from. Go find yourself. Get away from ALL these people, even the good ones. Think about who YOU want to be, and be that girl! If it requires leaving people behind, and making new friends, then go for it! If it involves keeping some people from the past and moving on from others in your past, do what you gotta do! I wish we were closer.


You're the one breaking my heart now. Your heart is breaking and that's enough pressure to make me crack. No idea why you're talking to me about this... so unlikely. But you're right, I'm on your side. You need a daughter... if you adopt me, I'll claim you! lol ... I really can't understand your point of view simply because I'm not as mature as you are. I want to understand so that I can better help you, but at the same time, I don't want the heartache you have. You're angry, frustrated, hurt, confused... and yet so strong. You're my hero and a confidant. I just want to help. If all I have to do is listen in order to help, then my job is rather easy. I'm glad your initial feelings were the same as mine. Our thought out conclusions were different, but the initial shock was the same. I hope by the time I have kids, I have your contact information to use as my textbook. Your love is so evident and clear. I love you... wish I could do more to help you.


I'm the go-to girl. What happens when the go-to girl breaks? What about when she needs to talk? What about when she's ready to scream and needs to vent. How many of the people who go to her, are her go-to person? I'm so glad I don't have to bear my burdens alone. I have a God who longs for me to lay down and trust in His complete care and ability to work everything out the way he sees fit. 


What more can I say? I'm so bewildered by all this chaotic confusion... what a lost world I'm in.